Bugger! I’m Actually Pregnant?


So after finding out everyone was pregnant apart from me (Will It Ever Happen?) i continued my blood tests with little change.

I would get so frustrated and upset if I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. It got to the point where I thought I was feeling slightly ‘different’ so I would rush out to buy a test. This ‘feeling’ became so regular that I ended up bulk buying the piss sticks from Amazon. When you use a pack of 25 tests, you know you’ve got a real problem on your hands! As my blood results were still coming back normal my doctor discussed trying a drug to help bring things on, but we would wait for the next set of results before evaluating the situation. It got to the following week and I had actually experienced a spike in my LH levels. My doctor explained it would probably be the onset of a period, so she prescribed Metformin in anticipation. Surely there was also the slim chance that it wasn’t a period? So what was the first thing I did? I consulted my trusty (but shit) App.

Was there a possibility that I could be pregnant? I needed to wait a few more days really to be sure but coming from the person who would do a test over the smallest tummy flutter, could I? Nah, who am I kidding? I went out and got a test!

So there I was, pee done, watching the countdown on the clock, with the test facing down. I think it was the longest few minutes of my life but as I turned the test over and saw two extremely faint lines, I knew it was different this time. I looked and I looked and I looked. Could this really be it? I checked the pamphlet to see the instructions and it clearly stated that even if you had two very faint lines it was classed as a positive result! I’ve never shit my pants before, but I was very close to it at this point!

I was stood alone in my kitchen. I didn’t know what to do with myself with all these emotions running through me. I wanted to break out into an irish gig or run round my kitchen with my shirt over my face, like id just scored the penultimate goal in the Premier League. Nope. What did i do? I called my mum. She answered the phone and before she could even say anything I blurted out that i thought I was pregnant. She told me to come round straight away and we’d do another test. My stepdad greeted me with a big hug when I arrived and said well done. My mum acted all cool as a cucumber, telling him off for making too much of it before we were 100% sure. Little did I know that after I ended the call she was screaming and hollering in delight, jumping around the lounge.

I had another test firmly placed in my bag, obvs I was gonna buy a twin pack. I was all out of wee at this point so I had to wait a while longer. After numerous glasses of water and a bladder full, I could take it. When the time came, I was yet again clock watching. This time, the lines were clearer!

Now im not a religious person but I don’t think I’ve said ‘oh my god’ that many times throughout my 30 years on this planet than i did in the space of 10 minutes. My husband was working away at the time and wasn’t due back for another week or so. I couldn’t even call him as he was stuck out in the middle of nowhere. Do you know how frustrating that is? There are so many times I have wanted to call him, either because I’ve had a bad day, the cats pucked on the carpet or because I bought a house (another story, another time) but I cant.

I called my friend (one of the ‘pregnants’) and she just cried down the phone. She was so happy for me and relieved I think, that she couldn’t control her emotions. Obviously madam heart of stone here didn’t shed a tear, like I said saved only for The Notebook. I just giggled like a little school girl. She suggested that I get another test (yes another one!) but this time the digital kind with a date indicator.

So I took myself off to Sainsbury. I was trying to find something in the shop that I could buy so that I didn’t have to walk around with a test in full view. You know, when you are buying Tampax or towels, you create a fortress around it in your basket. Or am I the only one? Then you get to the only available check out with the cute guy and you have the largest towels (with wings) because you’ve had a particularily heavy one this month. Although I was married and 30 years old I always feel like I was doing something naughty. So I picked up a long box of biscuits, to hide said test, in the same rectangle shape. YES! We were onto a winner. I walked towards the checkout and noticed that a rare completely empty checkout was available. Perfect. Or so I thought.

Of all the times that I really didn’t want to see anyone, my husbands aunty comes strolling along. She catches my eye and heads straight for the checkout. Oh hi! Great! Typical and just my bloody luck. There was no hiding it now. The pregnancy test may as well have been wrapped in neon paper with streamers hanging off it. She was totally going to clock it! We made small talk hurriedly as I just wanted to get out as quickly as possible. Thankfully, and im not sure how, but she didn’t notice it! I had got away with it. I was still waiting for a call back from my husband but after doing test number three, it told me I was 1-2 weeks pregnant.

Finally that evening he called. I happened to be at a friends for dinner at the time. Awkward. I went out in the garden so that she wouldn’t click on. I was so paranoid. When I told him, he didn’t really say much. I was expecting him to react but I think he was too in shock to take it all in. He’s the pondering type so he would have had a good think to himself afterwards. I suspect it went along the lines of ” my life is over”, “shit, my sperm works”, “I’m not ready for this”, “the central heating isnt fitted” and so on.

But there was no denying it. I was bloody pregnant!




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