Reality Check

077

So the home stretch is in sight and everything suddenly becomes a reality. Well it did for me anyway! You instantly start thinking about the future and the fact everything is about to change. I was quite happy with my husband, rather irritating cat and my nicely cocooned baby. I wasn’t quite ready for the real thing. How can you go from desperately wanting a baby to desperately doubting having a baby?

It wasn’t that I had a sudden change of heart and that I regretted it, I was just scared of the unknown. It was pretty late now though! I think it was the fact that we wouldn’t just be able to say bugger it, lets go have dinner out tonight. Or pop to the shop for some milk without having to pack a baby and bag up to do so. The freedom would suddenly dwindle and the only freedom you would be having is when they are asleep and you can finally poo without them being perched on your lap. Don’t judge me. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one here. Could I cope? Would I be a good mum? What kind of person will they grow up to be? Can I give birth?

So many things run through your mind whilst your house is completely filled with all the baby prep. My husband would be complaining about why it was necessary to have three cots for the baby. I explained to him that we had a swinging crib for the early months, a cot for the later months and we also had a vintage cot which is just for aesthetics once Ernies room is finished. This small being required so much it was unreal and overwhelming.

There were so many questions to answer. Do i buy a swinging chair or a vibrating one? Do I really have to get a jungle gym? What about a Jumperoo!? It was no longer about that new jumper from Topshop or favourite perfume you wanted. The list is endless and it never stops.

I was pretty nonchalant about pregnancy for the first six or so months. I didn’t seem to get excited at all. I actually only got Ernest some clothes when he was born. It doesn’t help that everything in the unisex range is cream, brown and with teddy bears emblazoned on it. There was literally nothing! Thankfully I had lots of friends and family who practically got his whole wardrobe for the first few months. As soon as Ernest arrived I went straight out and got him this adorable blue cloud two piece from The White Company. Its age 3-6 months and it barely fits him now but I just keep squeezing him in it, probably because that’s the most expensive outfit i’ve ever purchased! He’s already on the plump side and there I am making him wear an outfit where his little tummy sticks out, a la Chunk from The Goonies.

From the beginning of my pregnancy up until this crucial point, my husband was a very closed book. He wasn’t negative but he also wasn’t positive. I think that had a bit of a knock on effect for me as it was supposed to be the happiest time of your life. I would see so many people on Instagram, in magazines and even in the movies with these picture perfect pregnancies where the partners would be so supportive and getting involved. I know you should never compare yourself as nine times out of ten, what you see isn’t always what you get, but I simply couldn’t help it.

So if people asked me how I was feeling or if I was excited about pregnancy I didn’t really give much away. I never complained or used the pregnancy card as I wanted to try and seem as strong as I possibly could be. I think I was too afraid to say anything negative incase I got the ” you wanted this more than me” speech. Don’t get me wrong it wasn’t all terrible and he’s not a complete dick by any stretch of the imagination. It’s just funny how people react in different ways. As I’ve said previously (Introduction – Where it all began) he ponders and he would be more concerned about making sure the house was ready for a baby, before he thought about the reality of our impending child.

The last few months, looking back, were filled with some amazing and special moments. I definitely wont miss the constant trips to the water closet. I cannot tell you how great a feeling it is to finally be able to pee with satisfaction. I haven’t woken up in the night needing the toilet once since my baby arrived. But in terms of special moments you can’t beat feeling your baby move inside you. It is a feeling I don’t think I’ll ever be able to explain but its also one I will never forget.

When my kicks became more regular my husband really started interacting. We both found it all a bit alien like initially as it was the odd little pop in my belly. Then all of a sudden I had this big bump and there was no denying it. I loved feeling my tummy and although he didn’t admit it, my husband was starting to enjoy it too. He would only really fuss over me when he’d had a few shandies but I didn’t mind. I knew he was just as excited as me as d day drew closer, but he would never tell me.

I finished work just before Christmas so I could enjoy our last Christmas as a twosome completely uninterrupted. As my husband works away it is a very rare occasion that he is home for it and this year he finally had it off . I think in the seven years I’ve been with him we probably only had Christmas together twice. It’s actually not that bad as we usually have loads of fake Christmases with our parents. We both have birthdays over the seasonal period too so it was super special. You could tell that we had a baby on the way as generally my husband wouldn’t think anything of spoiling me with Mulberry, Michael Kors, Mac make up or Chanel perfume, basically my hearts desire. I think he was making up for not always being there, not that I would complain about this but for this years presents I got an electric toothbrush and the Bieber album, ha!

You soon realise that all that stuff, albeit nice, is insignificant. My husband has his birthday on New Years Eve and he told me he was going to have one last blow out. I think the words used were “full retard”. Although I wanted to go out and enjoy it with him, my legs had swelled up to the size of an elephants. So i spent New Years alone watching Seven of all things. Oh the lovely water retention. Where have you been all my life. I couldn’t stand for more than five minutes before these heavy set old ladies tree trunks appeared.

We were only a matter of weeks away and all the pieces to the puzzle were starting to come together. I had got the pram, which in itself is no mean feat. You could literally spend thousands! I spent so much time trying to figure out brands, specifications, rubber or plastic wheels? Who would have thought that it was so confusing. I ended up getting a pram from Ebay with rubber wheels, that I had to put together with minimal instructions and a Youtube video spoken in German. I guess that will teach me for opting for a cheap one. They only last a few months in the bloody thing because you get fed up with lugging it around and go and buy a cheap buggy anyway. So actually I win! The cheap one was the better option!

All I needed to do now was sit pretty and wait for my little bundle of joy to show their little face. My husband was expected back from work two days before my due date so i may have called his rig and told them i thought i was going into labour early to get him home a week before. I literally had a pad in front of me with my “script” because I am such a terrible liar. It was the most awkward, cringy phone call I’ve ever experienced. My husband was over acting to the max and I couldn’t take him seriously. Well I must have given an Oscar winning performance myself as they allowed him to leave early.

We didn’t really know what to expect but I hadn’t anticipated for my baby to arrive early as I have a tendency of being late. My husband wanted to be on the safe side but low and behold my due date came and went.

I was giving it beans on my ball, eating hot curries and going for ridiculously long walks but this baby wasn’t budging.

How much longer was it going to be?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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4 Comments Add yours

  1. Rachael says:

    I love that I’ve found your blog!! Im 20 weeks pregnant now.its great having a biter insight from someone who’s been through it all!! Look forward to your next post!! Rachael

    Like

    1. Aw thank you so much. I’m touched. I just started the blog as a memory saver but I’m glad you’re enjoying it. So lot’s of exciting time ahead for you! Congratulations! Xx

      Like

      1. Rachael says:

        Really enjoying it 🙂 Thank you! Just found out we’re having a little boy too. We weren’t going to find out, he wanted us to know!! Xx

        Like

      2. Ah wow! Congratulations. Boys are great! They are just so loving. You will have a blast. xx

        Like

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