Overdue – You had that baby yet?

Don’t you just love that age old question, “Had that baby yet?”. If I had a pound for every time someone asked this question I wouldn’t need to work for the rest of my life. I think it was pretty apparent that I hadn’t as I waddled down the street WITHOUT a baby in tow and still had a massive bump in front of me. I don’t know if it was just something that people asked because they didn’t know what else to say or they were just thick as shit!? I’m still undecided but i’m edging towards the latter! Just don’t say anything if that’s all you can come up with!?

Each day that you go over you know that potentially this is the day. Ernest was very happy staying right where he was as he hadn’t even dropped yet. It was exciting because I knew that it would be just a maximum of two weeks before i met my little unknown bun in the oven.

By this point I had really bloomed not just in the belly but for some reason my nose decided to double in size!? I didn’t notice it to begin with as i’m not one for looking in the mirror for long periods of time and i’m useless at selfies.  I thought that was one of the reasons why my nose looked so big, because I had got the angle all wrong. I asked my husband his thoughts on the matter as I knew I would always get a frank and honest reply as always. Sometimes i wish I hadn’t. So mr confidence builder said I looked like a wasp had come along and stung me right in the schnoz. Seriously?  I knew i wasn’t being paranoid! I get the weirdest pregnancy traits!

My stretch marks were out of control. It started off so well and then as each overdue day passed I gained more and more of them. Your belly becomes so tight that you have to resist the urge of scratching the shit out of it. Its like when you get really sunburnt and its started to die down, you then get the peeling stage and it just itches like hell. I thought I was going to explode like an over expanded balloon. The pressure that you start to feel in the nether regains is the strangest experience. You literally have a full sized babies head resting on your pubic bone and your fanny looks like its doubled in size, creating havoc on your bladder. You cant walk two paces, laugh or cough without a small dribble of wee trickling out.

I would try and do everything that I could to get this baby out. I googled ‘how to induce labour’ and there really is so much rubbish, but I was desperate to try anything.

Raspberry Leaf Tea

They say that by drinking this it will give you an easier and speedier time during labour. I cant comment too much on this as I only tried one cup, closed the box up, put it to the back of the cupboard to collect dust, never to be seen again. The recommended time to start drinking it is from 32 weeks apparently, so that put me on the back burner straight away. I don’t know if it would have helped or not as I didn’t give it enough of a chance but each to there own. One mans poison is another mans potion as they say.

The ‘Sexing’

Apparently sperm has some kind of loosening property and I was willing to do whatever it took to make it happen. However, by this point, when you are uncomfortable, feeling very unattractive and you have the notion that the first thing your baby sees is your husbands Johnson winking at them, its the last thing you want to do. Obviously we gave it a try for the greater good and hated every minute of it. All five of them. To no avail.

Spicy Food

I love nothing more than a good old ruby murray so any excuse to have one and i’m there. I was five days overdue by this point and feeling pretty fed up. I was quite happy to bask in food just to cheer me up. I literally love eating, it is probably my favourite hobby. I could think of nothing more pleasurable than getting a feast, surrounding myself with it and watching a movie. When you are so heavily pregnant you can barely finish a starter. Its so infuriating as you assume that pregnancy allows you to eat everything in sight!? I was determined to stuff my face this time even if it did make me physically sick, and get the shits, that curry was mine, all mine! Unfortunately this too made no difference.

Nipple Stimulation

So the clue is in the title and its a very obvious one. Its just weird. But like I explained I would try anything. Oxytocin, the hormone that causes contractions, is released in the body when your boobies are stimulated. I must be dead down there as it did nothing in arousing my uterus. I guess that’s enough said on that one.

Exercise Ball

I loved rolling around on this thing. I would literally sit on it for ages just bouncing up and down and reminiscing about space hoppers. It also took the pressure off a bit. Now they may be cheap to buy but oh my god, it took me, what felt like three days of hard graft to pump the bloody thing up. You get this stupid foot peddle that just slips from under your feet as soon as you start to pump. This was a workout in itself. I’m surprised this didn’t bring on early labour? Although that being said I would recommend getting one, just maybe get someone else to pump it up!

Stretch And Sweep

So this one by far I would say is the last resort. I was six days over by this point and my midwife suggested doing this if I went a week over. I didn’t really know what to expect but I had heard the usual horror stories as you do. I asked my husband to come with me for support, which he wasn’t very keen on, but came reluctantly. By this point my ‘mucus plug’ (god that sounds so gross) had come out. Unfortunately it didn’t come out in the most pleasant of ways. So picture this ( you might regret that in a minute) it was about four in the morning, my cat had decided to be sick everywhere and as I lent on the floor with my legs akimbo scooping it up, it just fell out of me! I thought it was more sick, but then I realized what it was! It looks like a large ball of snot! Too much information?

They say that once it comes out, its the starting point to labour. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you will suddenly get contractions, it could take a few days, so hence why I was having the dreaded stretch and sweep. I mean the name isn’t particularly inviting, lets be honest here. But I knew this was the best chance for the ball to start rolling. When I walked into the room, I was faced with my midwife and a student midwife. I then went into panic mode, she was young and pretty and she was about to come face to face with my under carriage. This I was not keen on. Thankfully she sat behind the curtain as the midwife inserted what looked like her whole arm up inside me.

It was uncomfortable but not awful. I was expecting to be distressed and come out crying, but nothing!? Maybe mine was a bucket? *she coughs unconfidently*

She told me that my cervix was looking favourable and my waters were bulging. Favourable? What’s that supposed to mean? No she wasn’t praising me on being tidy down there, it meant I was ready to go and that all being well I would see something happen in the next day or so. It was such a great thing to hear as up to this point I had had no change and the baby was just loving his temporary home too much to want to leave it. I left there with a skip in my very heavy step and with every finger and toe crossed.


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