As the first week of 2017 closes I cant help but reflect on the past year and look towards the possibilities this next year will bring. You always enter a new year with an air of excitement and optimism that this one will be the best year yet. I have to say 2016 was a massive game changer for me. I’m gonna go all gorgonzola but becoming a mother has been the best thing to happen to me. I can honestly say that I have never felt as much love than the love I felt when my baby boy was finally handed to me.
It blows my frickin mind that in just one months time I will have a one year old on my hands. I genuinely didn’t realise just how fast this momentous event would creep up on me. Ernest started off his life with so many obstacles in his way that had things been different, it could have been life changing for all the wrong reasons. I can only be entirely grateful for the fact my baby is a little fighter and he overcame Sepsis and Silent Reflux and still through it all had a smile on his face.
Those first few months were bloody tough. It was a huge strain to my relationship with Timmy, and Ernest. I was tired, emotional and could see no end to the shit storm that hit us. We had no idea how this little person could reek so much havoc on our lives and the thought of doing it all over again filled me with dread. Yet now its something id like to seriously consider going into this new year.
I think 2016 mellowed me, well being a mother did, but having time away from the stresses of work meant that I had time to realise that the little things that bothered me before, weren’t that bad. Its been a journey of discovery I guess and although I still can be rather socially awkward I feel more comfortable in my own skin. I may be on the heavier side of the scales these days but I don’t feel like just because I’ve entered a new year that I will instantly join Slimming World or became a clean eating guru. I know that these would be unachievable and besides I’m having too much fun (at the moment) eating what the fuck I like.
I’m pretty sure my internal organs are telling a different story but tomorrow’s another day.
Last year was about figuring out the very intricate world of being a new mum. I’ve made many mistakes and gained many new qualities. I’ve found that I enjoy baking, i’m more organised, i have way more patience, I like waking up early and I never thought those words would pass my lazy lips but the thought of squeezing every last drop out of the day is so satisfying. I love to be outside, I love the smell of fresh air and the breeze on my face, I love the idea that this year Ernest will be that little bit older and he’ll appreciate the beauty that surrounds us.
Although its a funny old concept, I’ve gained some real friends by putting myself out there and being honest with my daily struggles and joy as a parent, on a social platform. I’m aware that this isn’t everyone’s cup of tea and I have friends (in the real world) who just don’t get it. They can’t get their head around the idea of speaking to strangers but actually we all share a very common interest and that’s being a parent. Sometimes you just need a little pick me up to get you through a particularly trying day. There are some things i would feel more comfortable discussing as there is no judgement or prejudice. All the people i have interacted with, whether that be a like or lol’s over the amount of shit that comes out of a babies ass, have given me some well needed sunshine when the going gets tough.
I don’t know what it is that changes in you but you definitely gain a fierceness. You now have to become this protector and with that an inner strength is formed. I would cringe at the thought of being mumsy and spending my day talking about bedtime routines and teething, but all that stuff just naturally falls into place.
Life has changed for me and its no longer as carefree as it once was. 2016 has made me appreciate all the things that i have taken for granted in the past. I look towards 2017 and I just don’t know how it will top last year. This year is gonna be about being the best mother I can be and the best role model that i can be because ultimately that’s all I could wish for. All my dreams have already come true so anything else is a bonus.