My Most Embarrassing Moments As A Mother

As far as life’s most embarrassing moments go, there are about a zillion different moments between kids and their parents. Those wonderfully unfiltered little angels can instantly make you want the ground to swallow you up in a second and equally during those hazey new mum moments we too do things that question our very sanity. It doesn’t matter how you parent, be it, attachment, detachment, slow, permissive, we all share this very common subject. I guarantee its something that will crop up in conversation because no matter what walk of life you come from, these moments are instantly relatable.

I’m fairly new to this aptly named mumma tribe and my embarrassing moments haven’t quite racked up just yet. So I’ve asked some insta mummas to join me in sharing their experiences. Its not surprising at all how this one topic can resonate with so many of them because we really are all in it together. Motherhood is one ridiculous rollercoaster of emotions which will leave us crying one minute and laughing the next. So lets take a journey through poop explosions, pretentious children, missing breast pads and public pooing to name a few….

‘I had stupidly assumed that because Ernest was small and not overly active, strapping him into the pram on that day wasn’t needed. As I casually strolled down the road chatting with a friend, smile on my face, hair bouncing in the wind, I happened to glance down. What faced me was my child suspended so far out the side of the pram he was almost touching the floor. I went into blind panic and shrieked so loud it echoed around me. Where I should have been trying to conceal my misdemeanour I chose the part of town where my cries of horror could be heard in the next town over. Thankfully I caught him just in time and I’ve never left him unstrapped since’Me (unfortunately)

‘My most recent embarrassing moment was with my youngest. I think we were in Asda and he said that he “only drinks coconut milk” his tone and gesture sounded quite pretentious and I wanted to die when I got funny looks. I need to add that he cant drink cows milk for medical reasons, we’re not coconut milk loving weirdos…well we are, but for a good reason. Public toilets can be pretty annoying too – Zigs always asks me LOUDLY if I’m having a wee or a poo’KiKiBlahBlah

‘I have never quite had the wind taken out of my sails quite so quickly as when we went to Spain with our 3 month old and I felt like super mum breastfeeding at the coolest rooftop gin and tonic bar. I was all “mamas still got it” but then I went to the loo and realised that I had a wet and yellow breast pad hanging halfway out of the low cut dress. Having tucked it in and hoped for the best, I brushed myself off and headed back to our table only to be stopped by the waitress in front of a table full of young whippersnappers. “Ma’am, you appear to have dropped this on you way to the toilets”, she said gingerly passing me the OTHER crusty breast pad. The fact that she called me Ma’am made me truly realise that ‘mama ain’t got it.’ Oh well!!!’ – Miraculousmums

We were in a communal baby changing room, at first it was just us three and then walks in this mother and her lovely little girl. We were finishing up and as we were leaving I noticed you had to push a button to leave the room. Here is where the issue was, the switches weren’t clearly signed and of course me being Hannah, I pushed the wrong one and switched the lights off! All of a sudden there was is a huge scream from the other ladies baby and all I could do is run away saying sorry, whilst I left the screams behind me…. – Ohtobehannah

I think shame completely goes out the window when you have a young baby. There is just so much that could make you weep with embarrassment you quickly get over it, or you just get so totally used to it. Originally it was the mum sweats (literally summer 2015 was hell), breast milk spurting everywhere and getting used to the general public having a good eyeful of my nips on most outings, but the worst was making bad judgements when changing Geoff. I once though I had got the quick nappy change down to a t and was boosting to a friend that I literally could whip a nappy off and on in seconds. Demonstrating this on my sofa when G was about 6 weeks old. Right on cue Geoff released an almighty fountain of ‘you know what’…before I knew it the sofa, carpet and myself were covered in that korma sauce type poop. I didn’t know what to clean up first. me, the baby or the soft furnishings. I can safely say I haven’t risked a similar situation since! – Themilliejones

Once upon a time there lived a Hairy Princess who fell in love with a Massive Tosser. He left her when she was 9 weeks pregnant because as previously mentioned, he was a Massive Tosser. But the Hairy Princess was strong and she was brave and she channelled all her positive energy towards the Miracle of Childbirth. Feared by so many before her, the Hairy Princess was to give birth on a beautiful pea-green lily pad to the joyful tweeting of Bluebirds and the faraway strum of an Angels 22 chord harp. But alas she had her vag sliced open and shat herself. The end. – Cocoandliquorice

Like most Mamas I’ve been subject to a good few embarrassing moments in the last 20 months and I’m sure there are loads more to come. When I think about some of the worst I’ve experienced the one that springs to mind is one that I observed my Aunt experiencing. I had gone out for lunch with my aunt, and her sons. The restaurant we went to had a play area which the boys decided they wanted to enjoy while we were waiting for our food. To give you an idea, the play area was on the opposite side of the restaurant than where we were sitting. My aunt and I sat chatting but soon heard her littlest son shouting from the door leading to the play area. We soon worked out he was shouting at the top of his voice ‘mummy I did a poop’ and pointing to the floor. Quickly it dawned on her that her potty training son, who had decided he didn’t want to wear a nappy or underwear but only shorts, was pointing at a large poo on the ground which had fallen out of his shorts. As you can imagine everyone was looking at us and the poo on the floor.  Mortifyingly she made her way to the front of the restaurant with some napkins, picked it up and then headed to the bathroom. Needless to say, our meal had arrived by this time so heads down we had to eat our meal before dashing out of there. Despite me not being the mother in the situation, I definitely felt all the embarrassment and it definitely made me realise that as a Mama, you’ve got to be prepared for anything and that these kiddies are born to make us red it be face.Nessastock

Lets talk about embarrassing “funny” moments. I went to the bio market this morning and when we were finished he decided we needed honey. OK! And that means “why don’t we buy those 5 MANUKA HONEY POTS I threw on the floor mum!?” So I have spent 64.90 Euros x 5 in moisturising the floor with that magical honey! Yay! – Chez.Pipa

So I have a really bad memory, but I do recall in the early days of marathon breastfeeding – answering the door to my dad, making him tea and then realising when he had gone home that I had my breastfeeding camisole strapped down with my grey nursing bra fully on show. I was hanging out basically! Not bare boobs, I’m sure I would have felt a breeze, just the bra but I must have looked kind of crazy. I’d say he didn’t know where to look! – Myrosecolouredlens

I do remember one occasion when I took my first motorway trip avec a 3 month and nearly 2 year old. Driving down the M1 to see @facetime_beauty and I think it had been flooded. I had no ide what fucking diversion signs were and I didn’t have a sat nav. Blue Two screamed for a full 40 minutes in the car and because I couldn’t cope I panicked and tried to turn around/get off. It was nearing lunchtime and I had no idea where or how to get off the motorway to get back to Yorkshire. I ended up in some remote village outside of Rotherham and had to go into a little café all flustered. EVERYONE stopped what they were doing and turned to stare. I shit you not we were the only Asians in the village. I thought about walking back out but Blue Two needed feeding so I tried to give him it. He fucking puked all over me, his brother and the café. We were then almost as white as everyone else. Thank fuck. NOT. whattheschujj

‘Once my daughter decided the only thing she wanted to wear was a Spider-Man costume and there was no way I could change her mind so I ended up having to go to all sorts of places, running errands with a mini spider man. She also used to pretend she didn’t speak English and when people would talk to her,ask her questions, she would look at them, totally defiant, and say “Je ne comprends pas”. Very very embarrassing…’Cover_mum

‘Oh my goodness my most embarrassing motherhood moment. I mean, where do I begin? The time I was chasing after flying nappies down the street with an escaping boob full of milk that decided now would be a good time to explode and launch its milk at passers by? The time I picked Reuben up from his highchair in a posh restaurant to go to the bar only to be told by a fellow diner that he had shit all up his back and now, I had shit…all over my new blouse! Plenty to choose from but one sticks out! It’s not even a big long story it just comes with a long introduction! No, it’s just that time I went for an innocent coffee and took my three month old with me! I managed to successfully transfer a sleeping Reuben from the car to the coffee shop (when does that even happen?!) chuffed to bits I slowly stroll to said coffee shop. We get there and after five minutes he wakes up because the coffee makers were actually louder than ten planes taking off at the same time! So I whack him straight on the boob and put him back in his pram where he sits lovely for me! My friend is very late to the coffee shop at this point. How do single childless friends arrive late? HOW!? Anyway, I’m just sat there still ten minutes later waiting for my friend to arrive and I’m like corrrr blimey its a bit nippy in here! I go to feel my boob and well…there it is, just hanging out the bottom of my t shirt. Not an entire boob out on display mind, but just a massive saggy, incredibly unattractive wahooly mama sat sticking out underneath my top, just perched there on my belly having a good old nose and a good old browse at the cakes on display (do boobs even have eyes?) Anyway I genuinely to this day have absolutely no idea who got to stare at my one nipple that day but if you’re out there and reading this, then I’m sorry, the nip is sorry, the whole boob is sorry. Just sorry!‘ – Reubenandmamaamelia

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